-

that is my thinking when i wrote this piece : - .

i spent around an hour (or more) to talk to scott today.
i am not sure what spurred me into that.
but i am sure that that conversation is the reason i am writing this.

so, i gave people the impression that i dislike/hate 4 people (at least):
- chengjin, faizal, scott and benjamin.
i gave people the impression that i judge them as: bad.

i am not sure if i should feel anything about these accusations.
after all, they are truely baseless.

but i think the reason it hurts most is because i dun practise judging at all (read: AT ALL).
just who am i to judge people?
(and at the same time, who are you to judge me? what more accusing me of judging people?)

and i think i am feeling really upset because i have given extra attention towards these 4 guys with good intention. and they are not seeing it the way i want them to feel - the correct way.

you are still hopeful - when i am still be bothered to give u attention, to call your name or maybe to gain your attention in return.
you are still, really hopeful.

but, once i have decided to shut off completely, you should know that i have lost faith in myself in handling you completely.
lost faith in myself in making you becoming a better soul.
lost faith in myself in making you a groom-able material.

but, i dun recall myself doing that AT ALL in this class.
i dun think i've applied it to anyone in this class.
you are the second class.
you are supposed to be the second batch of most hopeful students in whole F4.

but what if you are the one who shut off towards me?
do i still need to make all those efforts?
will i look like a stupid monkey by the end of the day, with nothing to reap?

i am trying to be positive.
i am trying very hard.
but i dun think it should be a one-way effort.

or should it be?