the hand up there

this pic actually belongs to ayub.
u might find it familiar, but i find it really meaningful.

especially after what has happened to xen.

the HAND wasn't there to guide him out.

plz...
dun call him stupid, cause he was can't find another solution.
dun call his death unworthy, cause you are no one to determine for him either.

xen is a little bit different from the rest of you.
i am not sure which version of him u are more familiar with.
but i am sure we cared for him before, at least a little.
and what i am asking from you all - is to convert that care/love to respect.

NOT for what he did to himself.
but for loving him as a fren.

will that be too much to ask?

tearful goodbye

and so, u have decided to leave us all.
and so, u have decided to erase your own existence.
and so, u have decided to bring yourself to another world.

we might not be there to tell u that everything will be alright.
we might not be there to assure u that nothing is impossible.
we might not be there to let u the world is unique in its own way.

but i believe,
all of us have loved u in our own special way.
very special way.

forgive those who have sinned against u.
as how those have forgiven your sins.

rest in peace, my dear!

a picture speaks a thousand words

and this picture tells u that... the good gene runs in the family.
:)

winnie's niece, of course.

About me

Your Personality Is :Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Questions Personality Test

look at me, said the cold kids

there is this type of kids which i dun understand: cold.

kids are supposed to be warm in heart and laughter.
they are supposed to be REAL.

but when the parents can't be there as much as they required, these kids are brought up to be cold - emotionless to people around them besides their parents.
a friend of mine call it a SHIELD.

the question is, shield from WHAT?

shield from letting them seeing ur absence?

never never bring up a child:
1) giving him/her the idea that ur maid is always a maid and they are entitled to scream/shout at her. or
2) taking people around them for granted. or
3) thinking highly about themselves but the fact is they aren't that good afterall.

this is still a very asian value:
no matter how low a person's ranking is, as long as he/ she is older than you, they deserves some from of respect and good manners. a simple "thank you" will brighten up their day. is that too much to ask?

actually different kinds of upbringing really brings up different kinds of children.

but the ironic part of these "COLD" kids are, despite being cold from outside, they are still very much kids inside. in a way or another, they are shouting for attention, despite good attention or bad. just attention will do.

and once they felt the attention, they'll show off their shield again. pushing people away.

the circle repeats.
until one day, no more attention is given.

and they are left at the end of the tunnel... alone.

The "Bad Boy"

one of my ex, M, was nothing but a bad boy.
and for the past few days, i've been having weird dreams about him.

M was a liar.
M doesn't have a fix income.
M was a womanizer.
M was lazy.

whatever things u can condemn about a typical malay man, he definitely has it.
which makes u question me, why was i with him?

i was trying to get over someone at that time.
i know i was selfish and stupid.
but at the same time, i know i am capable to stop when necessary.

i was with him - just to get the thrill of being at another end of the world.
the not so proper world.

and it is this kind of "no-string-attached" involvement that makes the whole relationship more spicy.

one moment we are off.
one moment we are on.

and since he is something like an accessory, he is a disposable item too.
or at times, disposed item.

i wasn't sure why did he fly into my dream.
but i'll take it as a signal - my heart wants to see him.

nice eh?

i am crazy.

Why would i want to be a teacher?

1) because i am sick of spending 2/3 of my day in the same working environment. i believe in quality and not quantity of time u spend in ur job.

2) because i am sick of those stupid blank stares among people when i post a question in english.

3) because i am sick of working for the sake of monetary value. where my soul feels so empty - no triumph. just money money and money.

4) because i am sick of teachers who spoon feed their students; who dun enter class; who aren't even sure what they are teaching. i am very sure that i do not need these kind of rubbish teachers to educate my child.

5) because i am aiming for somewhere really far in the education field - so that there will be a major shuffle in education, so that ur kid will benefit from it.

6) because i am Winnie.

wish me luck.

Emma Bunton - Free Me

Emma Bunton - Free Me Lyrics
Being with you
longing for something to happen
biding my time
hoping to get a reaction
atmosphere's tense
heavy with anticipation
don't leave me here
with only my imagination

chorus

free me
now free me
let me loose to love you
Yeah how i long to seduce you oh
free me
let me loose to love you
Yeah how i long to seduce you now

How long can I continue to suffer in silence?
my aching heart can't bear to awaiting such suspense
so baby it's time to tell you just how I am feeling
'cause full-on desire I have too long been concealing

chorus
free me
now free me
let me loose to love you
Yeah how i long to seduce you oh
free me
let me loose to love you
Yeah how i long to seduce you now

free me
free me

chorus (x2)
free me
now free me
let me loose to love you
Yeah how i long to seduce you oh
free me
let me loose to love you
Yeah how i long to seduce you now

the one about stupid guys

lets drink to the dick-less boobs-ful world. yum seng!!!

i am so over someone...

dear dear... it is funny to have a guy checking on you - to see if u are still interested in him.

so, once upon a time, somewhere in Jan 2005, i had a crush with this Old Man. and he very well knows that i like him. we have a professional kind of relationship. but unofficially, we played anonymous through sms. sounded crazy, but believe me, it is definitely an adrenaline rush everytime we bump into each other.

however, since he expires earlier than expected (he did something really wrong), i stopped everything. yes, i was sad for a little while.
but he was damn cruel and cool at that time.

and yesterday, i was happily chatting with the whole bunch of crappy people. and this Old Man just walked over to talk to my friends. but, come on, u can really feel that the attention is so much on ME actually.

so, out of courtesy (since we have a professional relationship too)... i asked about his health (since he is old). and u know, the conversation just rolled on. And you can actually feel that, he is checking if i am still head over heels over him.

really sorry to say, i am just being courteous.
you know, courteous?
sorry... line closed.